By Brad VanFossan
The Browns play football like the Italians investigate murders. And I'm 1/4 Italian so I can say that! If the Browns were playing on Sunday Night Football, I would rather watch Steve Ward attempt to turn train-wreck, multiple issue having girls into dateable women on Tough Love Miami Edition, which can be seen at 8PM Sundays on VH1, that's right VH1, that's free advertising for you, you can send my autographed 8 x 10 of Dr. Drew to...well just find me on Facebook and I'll get you my address.
The Browns are like watching that commercial for a cell phone company, which one I can't remember, that's how forgettable it is, but it's like watching the commercial when the husband walks into the greenhouse and tells his wife he got everyone free mobile to mobile and she asks where did the money come from to get this amazing feature? And he replies that they were free, but not before she mentions she should have married John Clark, as her mother had suggested. Both the grumpy, plant watering, curmudgeon of a wife, and the emasculated husband are highly unlikeable. By the way cell phone company X, this gives me a negative feeling toward your company and product, you're supposed to put likable people in your commercials to give off a warm and fuzzy feeling of your company. This brings me back to my point about the Browns, after watching them, they are just not very likeable. The Browns need a hug, and some college teams on their schedule.
How many NFL teams do you know that are late in setting up their defense allowing the opposing team's receiver to be left wide open for a 40+ yard Touchdown to give them the lead for good? How many NFL teams do not use their bruising, Pro-Bowl, Madden cover boy running back inside the five yard line on multiple occasions? If you guessed more than one, you should have your head checked by a proctologist. On top of all of the craptacular football being played off of Lake Erie, where the Browns have the home field advantage similar to that of the Texian Army at the Alamo. they are playing head games with the above mentioned best player Peyton Hillis, this on top of not using him properly this year. I'm sure the lack of carries and contract negotiation rumors being leaked to the media will really want to make him stay in Cleveland! To quote the 1800s looking guys in the old Guiness beer commercials: Brilliant!
The Browns should turn their scoreboard into a version of VH1's Pop Up Video during live games, where you can text your scoreboard message into a Browns employee for a chance to have it put up on the scoreboard, I'm sure there would be alot of WTF's and LOL's. Ok VH1, we need to up the ante, I would also like a signed photo of, of, of, um, ummmm, well just send me a check instead. I couldn't think of anyone else I wanted an autograph from your great station, even a gas card would be better than an autographed picture signed by all of the Basketball Wives. Normally I say I digress at somepoint, but this article has been a total digression. But you know what, it's been more fun than talking Browns stats. And this week I will actually enjoy watching them. See you after the Bye week.