By Brad VanFossan

 

I thought it would be fun to give my rankings on all 32 NFL Quarterbacks, based on perceived performance going into the 2013 season, and also slightly based on last year's performance in some cases.  To forget the playoff performance Joe Flacco had last year would be unjust.  And to think that guys like Colin Kaepernick and RGIII will have the same kind of years as they did in their inaugural campaigns would be foolish as well.  Ok, enough of the boring technicalities, let's get to the list, which includes a little summary of each QB from yours truly, to make this almost as fun as watching Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke.  Actually, I'm hoping you didn't purposely watch that, but maybe just YouTube'd it to see what the fus was about.  I digress, let's get to the list:

 

32.  Terrelle Pryor, Raiders - I'm just gonna say he beats out Matt Flynn, well because everyone beats out Matt Flynn.  Pryor cost Jim Tressel his job, and just for the fact that he has to start Pryor, Raiders' head coach Dennis Allen, shouldn't get too comfortable either.

 

31.  Blaine Gabbert, Jaguars - While he looks like a nice kid, no one should name their son Blaine, especially if he has a chance to play professional football.  But in all seriousness, he's just not very good.  Amazing fact:  has more career TD's than interceptions, but still stinks.

 

30.  Jake Locker, Titans -  Has good size and will probably narrowly beat out Ryan freaking Fitzpatrick for the starting job.  Tennessee is just a meh team, and Locker is the perfect meh QB to lead this franchise which arguably has the worst logo in the NFL.

 

29.  E.J. Manuel, Bills - Will not start the season due to injury but is the projected starter.  Athletic QB coming out of Florida State.  The jury is still out due to zero NFL experience, thus the low rating.  Check back in 2014.

 

28.  Mark Sanchez, Jets -  Might lose the starting job due to injury to rookie Geno Smith.  I've been told to not say anything if you don't have something nice to say.  I guess you could put Geno Smith in at this slot too, or bump Terrelle Pryor up one if Smith gets the nod. 

 

27.  Carson Palmer, Cardinals - Is better leading the after game prayer than he is the in game huddle.  Once promising, this former Heisman winner is a shell of his former, overrated self.

 

26.  Brandon Weeden, Browns -  Don't go buying your Weeden jersey's after two good pre-season games, as no one stares down the receiver they're going to throw to better than Weeds.  But do look for improvement from Weeden as he now has a coach that will play to his strength (strong arm), and a receiver that can catch the deep ball in Josh Gordon.

 

25.  Michael Vick, Eagles - It will only be a matter of time before Nick Foles gets the nod due to poor performance or an injury, which always brings a smile to Sara McLachlan and Wendie Malick's faces.

 

24.  Christian Ponder, Vikings - Minnesota made the playoffs last year thanks to Adrian Peterson.  Ponder did throw 18 TD's and isn't the worst QB a team could have, but that's kinda like eating Ramen noodles every Sunday...blah.

 

23.  Ryan Tannehill, Dolphins - Miami has a new logo, and they are also hoping the second year QB can continue making improvements.  Having Mike Wallace should help the passing game, but taking this guy at #4 overall last year was a reach.  Some are saying his wife could end up being the more famous of the two.

 

22.  Philip Rivers, Chargers - How many more years must I wait for this guy to become elite?  I'm done waiting, it's not happening.  And how many Philip's only spell their name with one L?  Stupid. 

 

21.  Josh Freeman, Buccaneers - He's kinda like frozen pizza, some days it's not bad, other days you wish you would have went to your mom's for dinner instead.

 

20.  Tony Romo, Cowboys - Like Beyonce once said, Romo can be a fantasy owner's sweet dream, but he's a Cowboys' fan's beautiful nightmare.  No QB has won more big games...for the other team.

 

19.  Jay Cutler, Bears -  Just an unlikable guy.  I think he embraces this persona.  Another fantasy hero and playoff zero. 

 

18.  Sam Bradford, Rams - Make or break year for the former #1 overall pick.  I hope his receivers help him out more than Bernie Kosar thought they did a couple weeks ago.

 

17.  Alex Smith, Chiefs - Forgotten was the fact that Smith got the 49ers off to a solid start last year.  Smith can manage the game with the best of the game managers out there, the only problem is, he won't be playing with the 'Niners roster this year.  Still a wayyyyyyy better option than Brady Quinn.

 

16.  Matt Schaub, Texans - The Texans window of opportunity is closing faster than Zoro was in and out of theaters this past summer.  A decent QB who will never have his own commercial.

 

15.  Matthew Stafford, Lions -  Cannon for an arm with the ultimate weapon in Megatron Calvin Johnson, but needs to be the player he was in 2011, when he had 41 TD's and threw for over 5000 yards.  The Lions could use a hug, much like the city they play in, they were the only team in 2012 to lose money.

 

14.  Cam Newton, Panthers - Finished strong in 2012, but was very Jekyll and Hyde-ish last year.  This year could go either way.  The Carolina Panthers are like the 19 other tv's that are on at the gym, they are kinda there, but you're not paying attention to them.  You are somewhat focused on whichever one out of the 20 you're in front of.  Yes, my gym has 20 of them. 

 

13.  Ben Roethlisberger, Steelers - Stiller nation is going through some major withdrawl and denial these days.  The Steelers just aren't that team anymore, well not horrible, they are flirting with mediocrity for the second straight year.  And Ben is going to be seeing the cloud's of the Pittsburgh sky while flat on his culo many time's in 2013 as the Steeler line is looking less than stellar.

 

12.  Matt Ryan, Falcons -  Atlanta finally won a playoff game under Ryan, but can he take them to the next level?  With the 49ers and Seahawks in the NFC, probably not.

 

11.  Robert Griffin III, Redskins - I don't know what to think of this guy.  Seems like a heck of an athlete, and a good role model, but I just don't think he can repeat the kind of year he had last year and his playing style doesn't translate to him staying healthy for a full season.  11 might actually end up being too high looking back on the 2013 season, we shall see.

 

10.  Andy Dalton, Bengals - Two years under his belt, two playoff appearances.  Not too shabby, and Cincinnati should win the AFC North this year, which would make it three for three for the ginger warrior.

 

9.  Colin Kaepernick, 49ers - Exceptional talent but maybe soaking in the media hype and attention a bit much?  Will be hard to emulate the partial season he had last year, but if he stays healthy and plays even close to the way he did last year, the 49ers have a great shot at making a deep playoff run.  Will we remember him for another great year, or for having a Birdman-esque canvas on his body.

 

8.  Peyton Manning, Broncos - Will put up good numbers as always, but choke when it counts most.  Instead of getting to know the all new Buick Verano, Peyton should get to know his brother a little better and get some tips on how to be clutch in a big game.

 

7.  Russell Wilson, Seahawks - Last year's rookie class surprise, and surprise in general led the Seahawks to a playoff win and near second playoff win, if it weren't for a miracle finish by the Falcons in Atlanta.  I expect more big things from Wilson and possibly a Seattle Seahawk Super Bowl apperance.

 

6.  Eli Manning, Giants - Can look like he's going through the motions at times during the regular season, but has made more big throws in the playoffs than Alex Rodriguez has made appeals to Major League Baseball. 

 

5.  Aaron Rodgers, Packers - Some might think he should be rated higher, but Rodgers play has regressed since their championship 2010 season.  The playoff performances just aren't there, and the Packers have lost guys at some key positions.  Maybe it's time to do a double check on how bad he really wants it?

 

4.  Joe Flacco, Ravens - This is where I will probably draw the most ire from anyone reading this.  I just feel the guy made some of the most clutch throws I've seen in each and every one of the Ravens wins along the way to a Super Bowl championship last season.  They won't be nearly as good as a whole this year, but Flacco deserves major accolades.

 

3.  Andrew Luck, Colts - I'm expecting big, really big things from this guy this year.  Took the Colts from a two win team to an 11 win team last year as a rookie.  The sky is the limit for Luck and the Colts.  When the dust settles, he will be the prize of the 2012 draft class, and may put himself in the elite category as early as this year.

 

2.  Drew Brees, Saints - While it appears as though he doesn't get a good night's rest at times in the Nyquil commercials, Drew is one of the most alert, and accurate QB's on Sunday.  The guy is just tough, and competes like one of the best ever.  You want this guy on your team when the game is on the line.  The only thing he's fighting besides the rest of the NFC is father time.

 

1.  Tom Brady, Patriots -  Brady might not be the Tom Brady of 2007 when he threw for an NFL record 50 TD's, but he is still the best in the game.  Much like Brees, you want this guy in your huddle when it's fourth down and you need to convert to keep the game going.  Brady is as calm and collected on a play like that as he is when it's first and ten on the game's opening drive.  He's made five Super Bowl appearances in his career, winning three, and losing two tough fought battles to the Giants.  Like Brees, Brady is getting up there in age, yet he's not showing any signs of it.  The Patriots aren't the favorites in the AFC this year, but they will be in the running because of this guy.